Chorus:
Poetry, poetry,
How do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow,
But it's poetry.
     
Verses:
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day, 
It followed her to school one day,
And a big black dog f****d it!
     
Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep, 
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.
     
When Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school,
Between two hunks of bread.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high, 
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she's having leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass,
And turned its wool to nylon.
     
Mary had a little watch,
She kept it in her garter.
And when the boys asked her the time, 
She knew what they were after.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate, 
And had a little more!
     
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynaecologists surrounded.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
A little roast, a little jam.
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz,
Boy, how sick our Mary is.

Mary had a little lamb,
It used to chew her slippers;
So Mary chopped off all it's legs,
With a pair of clippers.
     
Mary had a little lamb,
It didn't have a Willie.
Mary made a big mistake,
In calling this lamb Billy.

Mary had a little lamb,
That had a little tail.
Until she caught it smoking dope,
And locked it in the jail
     
Mary had a little lamb,
With carrots and with peas.
A little mint sauce on the top,
And stuffing in its knees.
 
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was sodden red;
The reason for it was you see,
It had a pick-axe through its head.
     
When Mary had a little lamb,
It created some division;
It was not what she'd expected,
And shocked the obstetrician.

Mary had a little lamb
And now I've had enough
Of this stupid girl called Mary
And her woolly bit of muff.
     
Little Boy Blue . . .
Because he needed the money.
     
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And said, "What's in the bowl?"
     
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came another spider,
And crawled up inside her,
So she crushed it to death with her spoon.
     
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor dog a bone.
But when old Mother bent over,
Rover he drove her, 'cause
He had a bone of his own.
     
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there the cupboard was bare, 
And so was her daughter, I guess.
 
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She said, "With my pension, that's all I can do. 
It may be substandard, but just down the block, 
I know an old lady who lives in a sock."
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown,
But not for fetching water.
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
On an elephant.
Jill got down and helped
Jack off the elephant.
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
Do you think they went for water?
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Silly Jill forgot the pill,
And now they have a daughter.
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down on top of Jill,
And now they have another daughter.
     
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill!  Forgot that pill!
So now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her ass
And now two of his front teeth are missing.
 
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For a bit of hanky panky.
Jill came back with a very sore crack, 
Jack must have been a Yankee
  
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king's horses, and all the king's men, 
Had one  big omelette.
     
Jack was nimble,
Jack was quick,
But Jill preferred the candlestick!
     
Little Willie, full of glee,
Put radium in grandma's tea.
Now he thinks it quite a lark,
To see her shining in the dark.
     
Little Willie, with a thirst for gore, 
Nailed his mommy's baby to the door. 
Mother said with humor quaint,
Willie dear, don't spoil the paint.
     
Little Willie,
Brand new skates.
Hole in ice,
Pearly gates.
     
Oh give me a home,
Where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play. 
Where seldom is heard,
A discouraging word,
After all, just what can antelope say?
     
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm amnesiac,
And . . .
     
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That's what they tell me,
Because I'm blind.